musings of the bewildered

Spring break! It appears mother nature took the words a little too seriously this year. Rather than just no school, it also came as a break from the nice springtime weather. So what did I do over the break? Nice walks at the park? Frisbee with friends? No. The weather was just warm enough to tease you but just cold enough to keep you from spending much time outside. Yet spring break was wonderful. I saw my dad play at Eddie's Attic, read most of Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton, went to a NASCAR race with my aunt and uncle who I hadn't seen in 6 years, half-day with Melinda, and dinner with a lovely lady to name a few of the highlights. Not to mention plenty of sleep, family time, and good food.

Nothing like a week off to give you way too much time to think. I thought about all sorts of stuff. A lot of the thoughts centered around the future and friendships. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but there's something about Tech that just makes me feel like a bore. The longer I'm here, the more I feel like the fun, outgoing, and energetic side of me comes out less and less. I won't have it! I don't know what it'll take, but any baby steps of improvement that I may find I'll for sure take.

I also thought about standards and morals and things of that nature. As expected, since leaving Covenant there have definitely been many trying situations. CCF has this kind of hidden (or at times very unhidden) tendency of pushing you to or beyond your limits. Forces you to think about how a Christian should live. It kind of comes with the terrain of focusing on loving and outreach. So much effort is put into being genuine, real, relevant, or whatever you want to call it that the idea of a set-apart life loses some of its luster. I've been forced to determine what standards in my life are necessary. This covers anything from what I talk about in conversations to cussing to drinking to how I treat girls . I'll stop there on this topic to avoid boring you, but just lots of thoughts.

So yeah, spring break was, while somewhat low-key, very fun! I'm only wishing that the effects of a week of laziness and a mild onset of senioritis can be combatted in the coming weeks. Summer is so close and yet so far away.

I go out bold and brave!

countdown begins

How do I love warm weather? Let me count the ways. But seriously, it's been marvelous this past week. Particularly good for rather uneventful weeks. The past few weekends have been really nice for relaxing and such. Last weekend, I got to spend the better part of Saturday with two of my favorite people, Noelle and Stef. Studied in studio while Noelle worked, went to Figo for dinner (so good), and watched the new Pride and Prejudice. Good stuff. Then this weekend was filled with some homework, a few baseball games, some soccer, and putting together a puzzle with friends. Just lovely. Two great weekends. Today the weather was so nice there was no way I was staying inside.

I'm reading through James now. I like the book of James a lot. I remember way back in my senior year of high school when I gave a talk about James (more specifically about taming the tongue). I told the youth group that the book could have very easily been addressed to me. It's funny how true that still rings. Yet it's for completely different reasons now. Nowadays I'm more struck by James's belief in the power of prayer and his idea of true salvation.

Oh, and there's something I was thinking about today that I want some feedback on. So I've talked before about how I don't always get anything out of communion. Today I felt some of the fiery darts. Somewhere deep in my mind, there is this thought during communion that God is not really loving. It mostly deals with the presence of evil. I start thinking that God is not loving because He allowed for the presence of evil and then was forced to give Jesus as a sacrifice. As though He either screwed up and had to make up for it or he allowed evil so that he could later come and seem like the good guy. Neither of which is very comforting at any time particularly during communion. How do you think about this? How do you settle the presence of evil in your mind? Or what do you see as God's motive in sending Jesus into the world? Believe you me, I have a head full of good doctrine, but there is most assuredly a difference between what you have been told to be true over and over and over and what really rings true in your heart and mind.

Alas, I can't end on such a seemingly dark note. Life really is good right now. Some deep and heavy thoughts but mixed amongst good times and wonderful weather. One more week and I'll be happily relaxing in the fabulous city of Decatur for Spring Break. No pictures for now. Been really lazy about the camera of late.

Happy Monday!